Tonight the three of us laid in bed, your dad too depleted to respond to my railing, and I felt so alone crammed into that bed. I cried and I couldn't keep my tears to myself.

I made those wimpy crying noises and my body shook, and then you started making the same noises, starting with the same sniffles and quick, sharp intakes of breath.

Your weeping overtook you and you hugged me and I tried to tell you it was ok, that I was just sad and it didn't have to be scary but I couldn't get the words out. You settled down, and eventually slept, but it took a long time and I just laid there, rigid, feeling trapped, and horrified at feeling trapped, and shitty for taking it out on your dad yet again.