I am starting to panic that you will never sleep in your crib again, that you will sleep only on my chest or shoulder forever and ever. I know this isn't rational, that you're sick and want the reassurance of your mum and dad, but still I panic, and I have to ask your daddy to tell me that things will be alright, that you will sleep without us again one day.

It shames me that even when you are sick, when your normally bright blue eyes are dull and tired, glassy, I keep thinking of me, of my personal space that is no longer, of my sleep.

I know rationally, this self-pity is absurd. This is no tragedy. We are all well. We are lucky. We have enough to eat and a roof over our heads and lots of good things in our lives.

But I am not capable of much rational thought. And last night I remembered that people die without enough sleep.